Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Creation explained

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"

And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

Friday, February 09, 2007

I want to update

I really, really do but I have nothing to say. Nothing funny or clever or sad or thoughtful. My life is boring. As boring as boring can be.

My kid is happy and doing well in school.
I'm working and at the same time looking for new jobs.
Brian and I are doing our thing (whatever that is) and it's working just fine for now.
I pay my bills.
I put gas in my car.
I eat.
I go to the movies.
I read blogs.
I give advice.
I sleep.
I'm learning how to not suck so bad at Mario Kart 64.
That's about it.

See... boring.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

A Note from the Universe

When it comes to the words you choose, Gail, whether in your mind or amongst friends, let them be of what you like and love. What you care about and cherish. What makes you happy. What gives you wings. What makes you dream.

And very little else.

The Universe

Such good advice. Really. I'm so lucky to have so many wonderful friends and family who make me so happy :)

(Notes from the Universe)

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day

So I had a great one this morning. The Pelican Benedict is amazing and if you're ever in Santa Barbara please insist on me taking you there for breakfast. It's not cheap but boy is it good. Yum-O ;)