Love? Actually?

I was reading someone else's musings about love and what it is and how it works and that got me to thinking about the love in my own life. I have a lot of it. Lots and lots of love. And each of those loves is quite different and yet, they are all the same.

My family. The love my family feels for me and I for them is constant. It's steady. There's no guessing and there's no worry or wonder about it. They love me. They love me everyday. All the time. No matter what. Even when they don't like me very much, they love me always. And I love them always. It's sort of amazing that it works that way if you think about it. I know so many people who can't stand, let alone love, their family and it makes me realize how blessed I am to have 4 best friends in my brothers and sisters. I have a mom and dad and grandmothers who really do love me, too. And best of all I have a daughter who I adore and who adores me. That's love.

My friends. What a funny group of friends I have. Women mostly who are all different and wonderful and funny and caring. Some I'm closer with than others but they all love me. It's a good thing and a true blessing to have so many wonderful, caring women (and men) in my life. They love me for who I am and what I bring to the table in my own quirky little way. They love me for making them laugh and letting them cry. They love me for saying what no one else will say to them. They love me for being willing to be stupid with them and act silly with them and for being dorky about the same things with them. That's love.

Brian. There are a million things I think I could say about how Brian loves me and I love him. He's my best.friend. He's the person who laughs at me when I make "the pouty face". He's the person who will SQUEEZE my head when it feels like it's going to crack open like an egg if he doesn't hold it together for me. He's the person who I tell everything to. He makes me laugh. Everyday. I've never know anyone who could make me laugh everyday. Even when I've been at my worst, my most pathetic, my deepest sorrows, he finds a way and he makes me laugh. And I make him laugh. And I hold him when he cries. That's love.

In a world of resume dating and tell me 10 things about yourself that someone should know to fall in love with you dating I am blessed to have found him. I don't think my wicked ability to flirt or the fact that I read several good books a year or can play a mean game of taboo are what really matters. I think what matters is the way I scratch his back at the end of the day or they way I cram all his stuff in my already full purse or the way I hold him when he has a nightmare. It's the little things. It's the way we finish each others sentences. It's the way he takes my hand in his. It's the way I feel when I look into his pretty green eyes. It's a million tiny things that make up the day, the weeks, the months and the years.

That's love.

To Do:

1. Make Thanksgiving menu shopping list
2. Get all of my crap out of Brian's so his mother doesn't find it.
3. Roll eyes at the fact that his mother is such a snoop that things aren't even safe in his bedroom
4. Shop for Thanksgiving food
5. Put on a happy face.

yeah. that's it.

The beatings will continue until moral improves

I write on a blog called Tonight We Make Soap, we often talk about the funny side of life and the humor we find on the web. I love that. I love knowing I make people laugh! It's a kick :D Check it out sometime. The folks I write with are a hoot!

Today though I wrote about a very unfunny topic but I felt compelled to discuss it anyway. It's a topic that has affected 2 people I know and I bet I have other friends who suffer from this and don't talk about it. Here is the bulk of my post over there.

The scary topic? Domestic Abuse. But not the kind you normally think of, this is about women abusing the men in their lives.

Some of you know that I'm a part time photographer. I've been the 2nd shooter at several weddings. Last September, I shot a wedding with my boyfriend. It was for one of his old high school friends. This October we found out he had filed for divorce. Why? Because his wife was verbally and physically abusing him. He honestly thought that marriage would make things better. That if he gave he what she wanted (a ring on her finger) that she would stop hitting him. She didn't. In fact, it got worse. Thank goodness he reached his breaking point quickly. I shudder to think what could have happened to him.

Why didn't he fight back? Well, I don't know. He's not a wimp. He's bigger than she is and he can hold his own. I can only guess that it was his gentle nature and his desire to make things work that made him take it. Many of the same reasons why women take it. The emotional manipulation that tends to go along with these situations can also make it difficult to fight back. If you're told for long enough that you are worthless you start to believe it.

I have another friend who's about to get married. He's marrying a women who has smacked him around in front of his friends. I can only imagine what she does when no one is watching. Telling him that she shouldn't be treating him that way hasn't helped. He makes excuses for her like so many battered partners do. I hope that he comes to his senses at some point because he's a nice guy. And even if he wasn't, no one should be anyone's punching bag.

I don't know why these women and so many like them beat their husbands and boyfriends. I'm glad I don't understand it. I never want to "get" why anyone would be so cruel to someone they "love". I know that one of the women in question drinks way too much and does drugs socially. The other woman I don't know as well, but based on what I've been told about her, a personality disorder might be the source of her issues. I hope these women can get help. I hope the men they abuse can find help, too. Sadly, most men don't get help because of the massive amount of shame that's associated with being beaten by your woman. What kind of real man lets that happen, right? Well I know two real men who have or continue to let that happen and it breaks my heart.

Shame and silence are the biggest problem for abused men. I don't know how many people will read this. I don't know if it will matter to anyone but me that I shared this issue. But if nothing else, I've broken the silence a tiny bit. I hope it helps.

Does it really change when you "grow up"?

I don't think so... Seems like boys are still the same as they were in first grade.