Thursday, January 25, 2007

It's just another day? Right?

Only it's not. Not for me. For me, today is the day that my baby was due. It's the day I was supposed to be a mommy again. Even though I have a strong feeling that little B would have shown his rosy cheeked face on Sunday the 21st, today was still the day that the all the pregnancy calculators said it would be.

I'm trying so hard to move forward. And for the most part I do pretty well. A day doesn't go by that I don't think about him but I can get through the thought without feeling horrible anymore. I just can't help but wonder what life could have been like. I realize that there are those that would tell me that life is exactly as it should be and that my baby just wasn't meant to be. I don't believe that. I believe he was. Maybe he wasn't anyone that would be counted on a censes but he was someone to me.

I'm painfully tired and more ready to sleep than I have been in a long time but I'll power through until 5:00 and then go home and let blissful sleep take over for a while. Because sometimes, your mind and your heart and your body just need a break.


Karana said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. *hug*

Karana said...

I found this poem this morning and thought of you. Author Unknown...

Daddy please don't look so sad,
Momma please don't cry,
Cause I am in the arms of Jesus and
He sings me lullabies.
Please try not to question God,
Don't think He is unkind.
Don't think He sent me to you,
And then He changed His mind.
You see, I am a Special Child,
And I am needed up above,
I'm the special gift you gave Him,
The product of your love.
I'll always be there with you,
And watch the sky at night.
Find the brightest star that's gleaming,
That's my halo's brilliant light.
You'll see me in the morning frost,
That mists your windowpane.
That's me, in the summer showers,
I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a gentle breeze,
From a gentle wind that blows,
That's me, I'll be there,
Planting a kiss upon your nose.
When you see a child playing,
And your heart feels a little tug,
That's me, I'll be there,
Giving your heart a hug.
So, Daddy, please don't look so sad,
Mommy don't you cry.
I'm in the arms of Jesus,
and He sings me lullabies.

Gail said...

That made me cry but thank you so much. It's lovely. *hugs*