Wednesday, October 31, 2007

The beatings will continue until moral improves

I write on a blog called Tonight We Make Soap, we often talk about the funny side of life and the humor we find on the web. I love that. I love knowing I make people laugh! It's a kick :D Check it out sometime. The folks I write with are a hoot!

Today though I wrote about a very unfunny topic but I felt compelled to discuss it anyway. It's a topic that has affected 2 people I know and I bet I have other friends who suffer from this and don't talk about it. Here is the bulk of my post over there.

The scary topic? Domestic Abuse. But not the kind you normally think of, this is about women abusing the men in their lives.

Some of you know that I'm a part time photographer. I've been the 2nd shooter at several weddings. Last September, I shot a wedding with my boyfriend. It was for one of his old high school friends. This October we found out he had filed for divorce. Why? Because his wife was verbally and physically abusing him. He honestly thought that marriage would make things better. That if he gave he what she wanted (a ring on her finger) that she would stop hitting him. She didn't. In fact, it got worse. Thank goodness he reached his breaking point quickly. I shudder to think what could have happened to him.

Why didn't he fight back? Well, I don't know. He's not a wimp. He's bigger than she is and he can hold his own. I can only guess that it was his gentle nature and his desire to make things work that made him take it. Many of the same reasons why women take it. The emotional manipulation that tends to go along with these situations can also make it difficult to fight back. If you're told for long enough that you are worthless you start to believe it.

I have another friend who's about to get married. He's marrying a women who has smacked him around in front of his friends. I can only imagine what she does when no one is watching. Telling him that she shouldn't be treating him that way hasn't helped. He makes excuses for her like so many battered partners do. I hope that he comes to his senses at some point because he's a nice guy. And even if he wasn't, no one should be anyone's punching bag.

I don't know why these women and so many like them beat their husbands and boyfriends. I'm glad I don't understand it. I never want to "get" why anyone would be so cruel to someone they "love". I know that one of the women in question drinks way too much and does drugs socially. The other woman I don't know as well, but based on what I've been told about her, a personality disorder might be the source of her issues. I hope these women can get help. I hope the men they abuse can find help, too. Sadly, most men don't get help because of the massive amount of shame that's associated with being beaten by your woman. What kind of real man lets that happen, right? Well I know two real men who have or continue to let that happen and it breaks my heart.

Shame and silence are the biggest problem for abused men. I don't know how many people will read this. I don't know if it will matter to anyone but me that I shared this issue. But if nothing else, I've broken the silence a tiny bit. I hope it helps.

1 comment:

chris said...

Our forefathers and the laws have creatied a gender biased beleif system by which little her could not hurt giant him.I was told by my father when mom slaps you dont block her hand.I was retaught again by the legal system when little drunk girlfriend throws heavy sharp mettle objects at you dont defend yourself for as you know HE goes to jail. I believe in ERA but more so the E of ERA. furthermore in the family court system as well.A case where it is a catch 22. HE defends himself he goes to jail and gets record.HE does nothing he avoids jail. he calls the police she plays out the victim role to the max. The male ploice think "what could little HER have possibly done to GIANT BULLY HIM". "Folks either we take you both to jail or just HIM. This is a situation where so many SHE'S are takinfg advantage of a system which generally is filled with pre conceived gender biased ideas.