I am among the living...

more or less.

I went to work. So that was something. I'd say I'm a bit better for having slept the weekend away. So to commemorate my wasteful weekend a top 5 list

Top 5 Things Better Than Sleeping
5. Shopping. I love to shop when I have money.
4. Cooking.
3. Taking a walk on the beach.
2. Going to the movies.
1. Spending quality time with Brian.

There ya go. :)

Day 3 and I already screwed up :(

I basically slept all day yesterday and all day today. This is the best I can do for today.


sigh.

The day ending now would be good

I realize it's only 9:08am here in California. That does not stop me from wanting the day to be OVER. Just plain O.V.E.R. thank you very much. I'm also aware of the fact that it's Friday. Of the "oh yay it's Friday I'm about to have a whole weekend to do whatever I want!" Fridays.

Sadly, this is not how I feel. Why don't I feel this way? Well, for a few reasons. Last night I didn't get to watch Gray's. This made me sad and mad. Then in the middle of all this sadness and madness I noticed that my throat was hurting. That's not really a good sign when Brian has been sick for the last 2 weeks and it all started with a hurting throat. I passed out earlier than normal and was woken up by being smacked on the butt because I was snoring. I don't usually snore, at least not so loud that it would make Brian wake up and smack me on the butt or anywhere else. Snoring that loud is a sign that I'm congested. Hmmm, sore throat, achy body and congestion... guess what folks? I got myself a cold.

sigh.

This is what sick time was invented for right? Well, yes but in my case I need to conserve the 10 remaining sick hours I have for when my head is in need of being chopped off from the pain in it. A cold, a fever, anything short of puking means nothing in the face of possibly not being able to go home and chop off my head when it's hurting.

I also have other plans today like a brazilion waxing. And going to some party with my friend Tracy and then catching up on TV with Brian and Tracy because that's what we do on Friday nights. After that? Well after that I plan to go home with the wonderful man who gave this cold to me and take lots of drugs and pass out.

Which really, is what I want to do RIGHT NOW. Skip all that other stuff and just go straight to the drugs and the passing out.

Is there an express route to that option?

Creation explained

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"

And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.