I was so terrified to ask B to step up and be the man I need. So I took back the letter. And then the overwhelming pain and sadness I felt was unbearable. I've felt crushed by the weight of worry and wondering and being scared. That's not what being in love is supposed to be. And so not 5 minutes after he left my house, I called him and told him everything I was feeling and what I really needed from him.
And he said he couldn't do it. That he has never felt like I was his girlfriend. So he would never be comfortable calling me that to other people. The more we talked the more I cried. And the worst part was all I really wanted was for him to hold me. Because there's something about being in his arms that rejuventes me. So down I drove to his work. Where he held me. And kissed me with a passion I haven't felt from him in months.
We're in a vicious pattern. One of us is going to have to break it. I know that it will have to be me.
And I'm just not ready to let him go.
And I hate myself for that.