Light bulb moments

I realized today that something I need but don't have is someone that I feel totally safe crying in front of. I always feel foolish when anyone sees me cry and sometimes, especially lately, I've wished that I could just sob and sob and sob in B's arms and feel safe... like it was ok for me to be that weak and he wouldn't hate me or pity me or think less of me. That maybe he would just hold me and tell me he was there for me. I've got so much bottled up inside me. A little goes to this person or that person and a little more to someone else but I've never had one person who I trusted to love me without fail no matter how weak I was. I'm sure there are people that do but I don't trust it. I don't entirely believe it I guess and that makes it hard. It's not that I don't trust them, I guess I don't trust me.